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    Dead Totoro Pin Cushion
  1. Dressmakers who have sat on one pin too many will find a Totoro pin cushion an invaluable addition to their sewing kit.
  2. Bathtime has never been so much fun! So don't delay: hop into the water and use your Totoro loofah to scrub away at all those hard-to-reach places!
  3. Complete your bathroom outfit with a Totoro on a stick. It cleans sinks, toilet bowls and bidets more efficiently than anything you've ever seen, and comes complete with it's own stylish Totoro-skin holder.
  4. The equipment list of today's combat soldier is incomplete without a Totoro flash suppressor / silencer. Available in 7.62mm, 12-gauge and 25mm rocket cannon types.
  5. Enhance your love-life with an inflatable Totoro fun-doll. A simple office punch will provide multiple orifices for added realism...
  6. Dyed in fluorescent colors and blow-dried to a fine fluff, a pair of mid-sized Totoros can be strapped to a cheerleader's hands for an unbeatable set of pom-poms.
  7. The colored chevrons on the white-furred chest of a large Totoro are possessed of a almost miraculous contrast and reflectivity. Many of our roads will soon use Totoro road signs to indicate those treacherous sharp turns.
  8. In these times of rising fuel bills and dropping temperatures, keep your most venerated ancestors free from the threat of hypothermia with a Totoro foot warmer.
  9. Those who oppose the forces of justice in Cuba, the Gulf, Northern Ireland, Milton Keynes, and nearly every other location of world conflict, tremble in fear of the deadly Totoro Claymore. Remember: Front Towards Enemy!
  10. Bicycle seat wearing through? A Totoro is twice as hard wearing and aerodynamic as any of the top ten seats on the market, and it's warm and soft too!
  11. Sooty and Sweep will have a new friend in the next series of Matthew Corbett's popular children's show, when the Totoro glove puppet makes it's first appearance on our screens next month. Available from toystores everywhere.
  12. The complex internal structures of a Totoro are capable of remarkable chemical reactions. Next time your catalytic converter is worn out, chances are that a steel-sheathed Totoro will take it's place.
  13. The fatty body of a Totoro will burn for many hours with little smoke or odour, and can be impaled on a stick to provide the intrepid explorer with a useful torch.
  14. Hack out a quarter of your Totoro and hang it from a nearby tree with stout twine. Fill with peanuts to give your feathered friends a real tweet!
  15. Use an industrial jackhammer or piledriver to reduce your Totoro to paper-thinness. Now it can be pasted to delicate and fragile items as a clear and yet interesting "THIS WAY UP" sticker.
  16. Make the video-game freak in your life the envy of his kindergarten class with a Totoro Gameboy cosy!
  17. Road safety is up, accidents are down. Why? It's all down to the introduction of Totoro speedbumps in well-known danger spots.
  18. Be prepared for the next big toy craze -- unveiled at the Shaftsburg Toy Fair was the most maddening puzzle since the Rubik's Cube: try to retain your sanity as you attempt to line up all the sections of fur on the Rubik's Totoro!
  19. Only the destruction of Nazi Germany's secret weapons labs in 1944 prevented London being devastated by thousands of 200lb incendiary Totoros.
  20. A cold bedroom keeping you awake? Get a good night a sleep in a warm bed with a Totoro hot-water bottle.
  21. Advancements in medical technology have all but eliminated the colostomy from today's waiting lists. However, while they are still with us, make your affliction fun with a Totoro combination catheter and colostomy bag.


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This page last tampered with on March 6th, 1996 by Kanji T. Bates / bates@jurai.net.

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