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  1. The Gulf War almost turned when Iraqi forces began catapulting Totoros filled with TNT as a cheap alternative to the SCUD. Most dangerous of all was the "Al-Totoro": two Totoros welded together for added range and carnage.
  2. Those cursed with airsickness will find the Totoro inflatable barf-bag indispensable on turbulent flights.
  3. Anyone who's anyone in today's Jet-set has Totoro-skin wallpaper gracing the walls of their abode.
  4. Stretch your Totoro's arms to approximately five times it's normal length (borrow a rack from your local Papal Inquisiitor for this purpose). The claws can be locked together around your waist to form a trendy bum-bag.
  5. The latest weapon from Cyberdyne Systems, is the Totoro Terminator. Not only can it's body provide storage for an array of on-board weaponry but the furry exterior is a perfect disguise: who would ever report seeing one?
  6. Personal hygiene has never been more important for the lady of today. Totoro feminine care products offer freedom for your lifestyle twenty-four hours a day!!
  7. Encase your Totoro in Lucite for an interesting paperweight.
  8. Once your Totoro has reached the age of 1000 or so, it will have attained the size necessary for conversion into a top-of-the-range trampoline or crash-mat.
  9. Why trip up your guests with a clichéd bear-skin, when they can be crippled in style by your Totoro-skin rug.
  10. A heavy-duty engine, wheels and some crepe-paper are all you need to turn your Totoro into a carnival float, for local fetes and bazaars.
  11. Classical musicians world-wide are throwing away their cellos and violins in favour of Totoros. Just staple it's whiskers to it's feet and anyone can challenge Nigel Kennedy for his crown.
  12. De-clawed and hammered flat, a small Totoro will fly farther than any frisbee or similar toy.
  13. Don't put up with grimy windows: dunk that Totoro in soapy water and scrub away for a brighter outlook on life! With the aid of a strong magnet and a length of string, both sides of a window can be made to sparkle at once! Dead Totoro Pencil Sharpner
  14. Office workers the world over will welcome the Totoro electric pencil sharpener. Not only does it brighten the appearance of any office or studio, but ram a pencil up it's nose for a point that can almost split the atom!
  15. Ladies blessed with the fuller figure will find no greater support than the Totoro cross-your-spleen bra.
  16. Cold in bed? Never again, with the Totoro 40 TOG duvet cover!
  17. Why run with the herd? Strip that Garfield telephone of it's speakers and dial, and transfer the electronics to a Totoro. Phoning can be furry and fun!
  18. A steam-roller or pneumatic press will transfer the globular Totoro into a disc some thirty times greater in diameter. Fit with spars and attach a monofilament line for a distinctive kite.
  19. Motorists take heed: Fuzzy dice are out! Fuzzy Totoros are in!
  20. Those of superstitious nature can improve their luck in life with a Totoro's foot, mounted on a chain and worn around the neck for fashion and fortune.


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This page last tampered with on March 6th, 1996 by Kanji T. Bates / bates@jurai.net.

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