Tied firmly to steel frames, a matched pair of Totoros make excellent railway buffers in the event of a runaway train. Snap your Totoro's head backwards, and ram a bottle of your favourite beverage down it's throat. The bottle will keep at a stable temperature for hours! Hollowed-out Totoros make superb boxing gloves, if placed over the hands and tied in place stout bootlaces. Protect your sailing vessels from scuff marks by stapling Totoros along it's hull. Tiny Totoros are in ferocious demand in European fashion circles ever since Jean-Paul Gaultier made a stupendous comeback with his Totoro earrings. Chainsaw your Totoro in half to make a simple 3D jigsaw, ideal for young and old alike. A deliberately lost stuffed Totoro can provide much amusement as your household guests try to find it again. When located, more hilarity will ensue as you can tell it how much you've missed it. Totoros of sizes ranging from medium to large can be connected to your plumbing, and -- when their mouths are forced permanetly open with taxidermist's wire -- bring elegance to bathroom, as tub, WC, sink and bidet. Either half of a Totoro makes an excellent flower pot, but tests have proved that the lower section is the most stable, unless you flatten the skull with a meat tenderiser first. If beaten flat with a mallet, a Totoro forms an excellent racket for Tennis, Badminton, or Squash. Totoros of varying sizes can be sorted into matched pairs, and glued to stout poles for an unusual set of dumbbells. Impale your Totoro with a metal rod. It can now be fixed onto a garden wheelbarrow as a sturdy and hard-wearing wheel. A Totoro, an old broom and a little ingenuity are all you need to provide the aspiring pugilist in your family with an inexpensive punchbag. The corpse of a Totoro is firm and heavy. If used mallet-style, it tenderises meat more effectively than many purpose-built devices. Hang your Totoro from the ceiling as a conversation piece. Many people will begin lively discussions with the words "Why is there a dead Totoro hanging from your ceiling?" Three Totoros and a length of strong cord can quickly be transformed into a hunting bola which can bring a deer down at fifty yards. When hurled into the air, a dead Totoro makes an interesting alternative to the hackneyed Clay Pigeon. The soft fur of a Totoro cries out to be used as a long-lasting duster for those precious family heirlooms. With claws outstretched, a Totoro on the end of a rope makes a superb grappling hook for climber and prison escapee alike. Owners of commercial car-washes will find the Totoro a godsend. It cleans and buffs better than any chamois, and lasts twice as long as nylon in rotary brushes.
This page last tampered with on March 6th, 1996 by Kanji T. Bates / firstname.lastname@example.org.
101 Things ... | Feedback | Blue Ribbon Campaign