Once suitably hand-fashioned by a milliner, the upper half of a middle-aged Totoro can be transformed into a Totoro-skinned scouting cap worthy of even the legendary Davey Crockett's envy. Gentlemen of thinning hair will find half a Totoro a boon as a toupee. Almost undetectable! Two cans of common shellac can transform the soft-furred Totoro into a bristly hairbrush, ideal for Afros and Mohicans. Emptied and filled with foam beads, a Totoro makes a perfect pillow or bean-bag for young children. Identical twin Totoros, while rare and expensive, can be fixed to polished boards to make elegant bookends and turn your library into a visual treat. Halved Totoros sprayed black and gold can be fixed to your hubcaps to make your car the envy of the neighborhood. Urban guerrillas can be a true threat to the establishment when armed with Totoro hand-grenades. A little nitro-glycerine and a steady hand are all you need... Mediaeval recreationists can double their enjoyment by using Totoros as harmless -- and not so harmless -- ammunition for catapults and siege engines. A brace of Totoros can be stapled to t-shirt, trousers and skullcaps in only a few minutes. Seldom has American Football armor been so cheap or so stylish! Hollowed out and fitted with a window, a Totoro is Jacques Cousteau's first choice as deep-sea diving helmet. A Totoro makes a fine rucksack, once it's limbs are stretched to wrap snugly around the wearer's chest. Almost any amount of equipment can be stashed inside, with a sense of style that will enamour many an Alpine wanderer. Using a heavy mallet, beat one end of your Totoro thin. Your doors will never bang close in draughty weather when faced with this attractive wedge! Small Totoros are the golf fanatic's true friend, as they keep the ends of his clubs clean and free from damage. A hollow Totoro needs only a candle to provide a fun Jack-o-Lantern for Halloween parties. Why purchase expensive headphones when two Totoros can be fitted with small speakers and strapped to your head. Carry your bowling ball in comfort with a stylish Totoro bowling bag. Skin your Totoro with a sharp knife. Now roast or shishkebab it with onions and spices for a deliciously alternative Sunday meal. A small Totoro can be pumped tight with helium to make a delightful party balloon. Depending on your sense of humor, hydrogen cyanide can be substituted, bringing an interesting twist to any festive occasion. Half a Totoro, fitted with the appropriate electrical connections, will make a startlingly different lampshade. However, remember the Earth lead -- safety first! Rumour has it that many of the Luftwaffe's feared zeppelins were, in fact, large Totoros filled with hydrogen.
This page last tampered with on March 6th, 1996 by Kanji T. Bates / email@example.com.
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