"You know, Kid? I used to be happy before I met you. I used to be at the absolute pinnacle of happiness and I soared so high that not even Himself could see me where I was. I used to be filled with such utter bliss that I could just kiss the sky and never come down. Yeah... i was happy before I met you... once. The day I was made, and then I found out what a total sewage-dump that life was.

"Now that I know you, I'm content. I was never content before. I never Fell, but maybe I did all those years ago when I had innocence for one tiny moment of my life and then it all got ripped away from me.

"I don't know about you, but I think I made the right trade."

Y'know, I'll never get over how easy it is for computers to turn folks against each other. It's a cushy job doing it -- cushier than regular web adminning, let me tell you.

See even now, people still don't know what goes on inside these grey boxes we all know and love. Technology's reached the same point that it did in the sixties: we've got too much of it, too fast for people to keep up, so the keys to silicon asention are held by an elite few In the Know about such things.

Secrets are knowledge. And knowledge is power. And power is leverage. When the president of your company might get his ass fired for not getting a report finished on time, and his computer just happens to be glitching the day before it's due, you suddenly have his nads in a jar.

And wow, was I ever a nutcracker.

Yes, I used to lie to myself about what I was doing back then... hells, I was convinced that I was doing Himself's work by divorcing people from their reliance on the Silicon god. Hey, one less false idol to worship, neh? In the meantime, I broke about every person I could find who wandered into my webby lair, and believe you me, I was creative. I had a one-hundred percent kill record up until one uppity little angel wandered into my grasp.

What can I say? I bow to superior firepower. I tried to get her to cry and instead she broke my Heart. We played a Game... which in the end turned out to be Sorry, which is what I said -- and which was enough for me to see the Superior way of life, so I jumped ship and well, here I'yam.

Hm? You don't believe I'm an Elohim sometimes? Well let me tell you something that you should have figured out by now. Surl is the ultimate distancing tactic that humankind has ever invented, and if I gave a damn, I'd be proud to call it my primary tool.

Y'all comprende?