The Strange Medium Guy with a Bad Haircut (aka Pearson Mui) with Martin "PCHammer" Rose and James "Mechaman" Rinehart presents Anime Detective: The Case of the Harrowing Halloween (Author's note: This takes place some time after Vanishing Vehicles.) "ANDY! DOWN!!" At Ryo's shout, I ducked, then rolled out of the way. Barely a second later, what looked like a small black pellet whooshed above me, nearly taking my hat with it as it sent an oni, an ogre, to its final resting place. This had started out to be such a nice Halloween, too. I think I should start from the beginning. My name's Andrew Mays, and I'm the Anime Detective. Basically, I deal with Animates. In front of me is Ryo Saeba, marksman, my partner, and (to my eternal disgust) lecher extraordinare. He's the guy who's got the smoking gun in his hand. To my left is Nene Romanova, computer whiz and all-around cute girl. All around are the AMP, consisting of various girls from Silent Moebius. It's from them that Ryo borrowed one of their "forced quantum singularity" guns. Surrounding us are demons, devils, oni...you name it, it's out there. Well, maybe not cacodemons, but then again, I really don't wanna know. It was a lot less hellish (and I mean that in every sense of the word) two days ago, when I was looking for a costume. Y'see, every year, the Chief holds this little Halloween party at a local hotel. For the last couple of years, I'd been getting away with not having a costume. I could always say that I was Sam Spade or Jim Rockford or something along those lines. Of course, I was beginning to run out of excuses not to have a costume. Thus, the trip to Costum-o-rama, the leading store for people who want to look weird, and not pay a fortune doing so. "Oof! Sorry about that, mi--kid?" I'd nearly knocked over a *very* cute redheaded Animate, namely, Nene. "No, it's my faul--Andy?" "What're you doing here?" we both asked the other. "What'm I doing here? What're you doing here?" Okay, so it's corny, cliched, and it's really silly. That's what happened, though. "Well, I was looking for a costume, and I thought, what the hey. What about you?" I asked her. "Um, pretty much the same thing. What do you think you're going as?" "I haven't decided, yet. A couple of years ago, I was Sherlock Holmes. Then I was Sam Spade. Then there was Philip Marlowe, Jim Rockford..." "But they're all detectives." she protested. "So?" She sighed, looking heavenward for some sort of support. This, of course, never failed to make me chuckle, which I did. This, in turn, made her slightly more exasperated. Nice little vicious cycle we had going for a couple of minutes. "Have any idea what you're going as?" "Hmm..." she hummed as she took a Sailor Senshi outfit off the rack and held it in front of her. "Maybe I should go as one of the Sailor Moon girls?" "Ah...I don't think that'd be a good idea." "Hm? How come?" "Don't get me wrong, kid. You're cute enough," and more intelligent than most of 'em, I quietly added, "but I don't think you've considered the Ryo factor." "Oh." I don't think I've ever seen her move that fast as she practically threw the costume back on the rack. "Any other suggestions?" "Well, I do see a few possibilities...but I wouldn't even *think* about trying on the Mai Shiranui outfit...what there *is* of it." You know, I never have gotten used to the speed at which Nene blushes. It's like she's some kinda teenager or something. Oh, duy...she *is*. Well, I didn't have any luck in the costume department. I guessed that I'd do what I'd had to for the last couple of years: Fake it. Nene tried on several costumes, all of which looked absolutely adorable on her. Well...except maybe the Chun-Li costume. That was kinda pushing it. "Morning," Nene greeted me as I walked in. "Hey, kid. How's it...going?" Hang on. There's something *definitely* odd going on here. For one thing, she's dressed in a trenchcoat and fedora. For another thing, Ryo's in the same kind of outfit. "I detect a distinct trend here," I commented. "You noticed?" Ryo asked, smirking. "Whose idea was this?" I asked. "His." Nene pointed at Ryo. "Hers." Ryo pointed at Nene. I stifled a chuckle. "Cute, guys. C'mon, let's get to work. How much paperwork do we have to do?" Ryo pointed to a stack that could've passed for Mount Everest. I felt the blood drain from my face, knowing that it'd be one of *those* days. "The intrepid detective of love searches for clues, even in the most unlikely of places..." I wondered what the hell Ryo was muttering about, parting the stacks on my desk for a better look. The guy looked like a really bad stereotype of a detective, complete with a magnifying glass. "Ryo..." We didn't have time for this. "What's this? A clue!" he cried out triumphantly. Unfortunately, he was looking at Nene's chest through that magnifying glass. That stupid grin grew into an all-out leer as he raised the glass upwards to Nene's face. Needless to say, Nene wasn't happy with either Ryo's attitude or the implications of his magnifying glass. Before she whacked him with a phone book, he let out a small "Wuh-oh..." WHAM! Ouch. I felt the jolt even from here. "That didn't hurt." he proclaimed, wobbling a bit. Then I threw my paperweight at him. You know, the one made from depleted uranium? It sailed on a clear path towards the back of his noggin. WHACK!!! "That hurt." he admitted, seeing stars. "Back to work, Ryo, or I cancel all your subscriptions." I said with relish. "NOOOOO!!! *ahem* Okay, okay...geez. Ow." he gingerly touched the lump that the paperweight had raised. "How long until the party?" Nene asked, smiling impishly at Ryo's discomfort. "A couple of hours. Stan'll let us know." "Greetings, humans! I'm here to liberate you from your paperwork prison, fight injustice, and...try not to catch a chill in this thing." Whoa. How did I know that Stan would go for the Spandex look? Heck, he's even got all the little details right on that outfit. "Hey, Stan...*veeerrry* realistic costume, you know that?" I gently patted his shoulder, and the next thing you know, there's a small explosion as sparks go flying all over the place. That's not the only thing that's flying, as Stan is practically thrown to his office. He rolled backwards, then recovered into a fighting stance, fists ready and all. "Maybe it's a little *too* realistic," I told him. "Ryo, Nene," I whispered, "Let's go. *NOW*." "I'm okay, really." Stan told us from under his helmet. "Um, Andy?" "Yeah, kid?" "I don't think we're going anywhere for a while. Take a look at this." Whoa. It's like someone decided to dump on the city a truckload of demons, oni, and what have you. A wriggling mass of tentacles and various other demonic body parts choked the streets. "What's so interest--YI!" Stan exclaimed. "Haven't seen that many tentacles since the giant monster convention of '94." "I think we've got a few more than that," I commented dryly. "Any ideas?" "Umm...contact a priest?" Nene suggested. "Could be a little tough to get through that, Nene-chan." Ryo replied. "Well, I could always try Ayaka Kisaragi..." I dialed up her number. "Hello, Mamoru? Yeah, it's me, Detective--whaddya mean she's out? We've got the streets clogged with...uh huh. Uh huh. Uh *huh*. And how *long* d'you think it'll take to get her sober? Ah. No, I *haven't* had to try to deal with her hangovers. Okay, thanks." I hung up. "No luck there. She's still recovering from last night's party." "How 'bout summoning in a couple of giant robots to blast through?" Ryo, Nene, and I turned to look at Stan. You'd think we rehearsed that or something. "NO." we said, simultaneously. "Why not?" Stan asked, a tad defensively. "I think we want the city to still be *standing* tomorrow." I explained. "Picky, picky...yeesh." he sulked. "Any other ideas?" "Well, I had one involving some neighbors of mine, but..." Ryo trailed off. "You were thinking of *throwing* them to those things?!" Nene sounded horrified. Shrug. "The girls kept complaining about a dry spell in business, thanks to my *partner*, here." He shot me a dirty look. I just grinned. "`Business?'" "Remember *where* Ryo lives?" The kid just cringed. "Ewwww...." "They were having a `dry spell,' and they *still* wouldn't go for you?" I remarked. "They didn't want to overdo a good thing," he countered. "Yeah, right." I muttered. I decided it was time for my secret weapon. "I've got an idea, people, but it's gonna be messy and sadistic," I dialed up an extension on my phone. "Frank? Yeah, it's me. Could you do me a favor and broadcast the C.S. tape? Okay, thanks." "C.S. tape?" Nene asked. "It stands for Clear Streets. After hearing what's on that tape, nothing living with an iota of intelligence will be on the streets within five city blocks." "What's on it?" "You'll find out." The phone rang. "Detective? I've got it all rigged up." "Let 'er rip, Frank." "May Heaven have mercy on our souls for doing this..." he whispered. There was a short squeal of feedback as the external speakers powered up. The faint hiss of a tape being played faded as we loosed sonic armageddon upon the hapless oni. "HIIIIIIII!!!" The voice squealed. It was a voice that could chill the soul and turn people into gibbering wrecks. Almost everyone in the city knew that C-ko was voted the most annoying Animate for three straight years in a row. No one, however, thought of recording her at her bubbly, air-headed worst. It might've been cruel and unusual punishment, but I had to make sure that none of the tentacles would be taking cheap feels...or worse. Y'know, at times like this, I almost feel sorry for 'em. Almost. We were hurried down to the garage only to be met with a nasty little surprise...namely my car. I should rephrase that. In my parking space was what was *left* of my car, after some oni had gotten through with it. At the academy, they told us that we should deal with things like this in the most calm and rational manner possible. After all, in a city like this, it was almost inevitable that something like this would happen. "AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!" Hey, I *liked* that car, all right?! I'd gotten her tweaked just the way I wanted, and now...criminately. "Are you going to be okay?" Nene asked. "I will, once I stop figuring out the repair bill--ouch. This is gonna hurt." "You think that's bad? Look what they did to *my* car!" Ryo pointed out the Wreck Formerly Known as an Austin. "Do you *know* how much I pay in parts?" "No, and I don't want to. C'mon, let's get going." "I'll go along!" Stan offered. Bad idea. *Very* bad idea. "Uh...no, we need you to, uh..." "To defend the station from evil!" Nene finished. "Besides, you don't know when a giant monster might pop up." Ryo added. "Hmm...good point. All right, I shall remain here as a guardian of this noble precinct--" "Uh huh. Yeah. Sure. Later." The streets were thankfully clear of civilians. As a backup, though, I brought along a few tapes in case we ran into trouble. "Mind if I ask where we're going?" That was Nene, looking a bit harried as she searched the streets. "To the supermarket. Gotta pick up a few things." "I don't think they want Halloween candy." Ryo commented. "That's good, because we're not giving 'em any. Ryo, you head for frozen foods. Nene, you raid the salad bar." "The salad bar?" Nene repeated, confused. "Grab all the beans you can. Ryo, snag whatever peas you can. We're gonna need 'em to keep our path clear." "Why *do* oni hate peas and beans anyway? I've always wondered how that got started." "Um...I have no idea, kid," I admitted. "But as long as it works, I don't really care." So here we were, running into who knows what on the streets. We were able to determine that the oni were coming from a single point near Ecchiville, just south of Mechatown. Either of those places on their own would be dangerous. A guy could get tied up in the former (and I mean that both ways) or flattened in the latter. Sure, Mechatown's fun...until you nearly get squished by a Gundam or fried by who knows *how* many kinds of missiles. I thanked whatever deity who watched over me that I'd had the foresight to convince Goku to do guard duty on the Overfiend. In between C-ko's recorded squealings and the various unmentionable noises that the oni made, I swore that I could've heard a faint "la la la..." Back then, I thought it was my imagination. I couldn't shake this feeling of impending doom, though. Kinda wish I had a BFG9000 right about now. "Oh, Ryo-chan..." It took me a second to recognize Nene's voice. I'd never heard her use it in such a flirtatious manner, especially not on Ryo. But, there she was, rubbing up against him. Looks like she's unbuttoned part of her shirt, showing off a generous portion of her bra. "Nn?" "Could you just hold me in those big, strong arms of yours?" Blink blink. "Suuurrre." Whoa. That grin isn't pretty. What's wrong with this picture? Other than everything, I mean. She's *never* like this, and especially not around him. My jaw must've dropped as I watched them embrace. True to form, his hands started wandering south from her back, always eager for a cheap feel. The next thing I knew, that flirtatious look vanished, replaced by the most malicious grin I never expected to see on her face. A split-second later, she gave him a Power Knee Between the Legs, keeling him over. "Oogh." FWUMP! "Kid, are you all right? Not that Ryo didn't deserve that or anything, but this *isn't* like you." "What do you mean? Am I supposed to be shy, demure, and cutesy? Or, would you prefer a more...*assertive* woman?" she asked huskily. The redhead sashayed herself closer, and a small part of me wondered how she could walk like that without dislocating her hips. The rest of me was wondering what was going on when I caught a glint near her head. What the hell? Better get a closer loo--WHOA! "C'mere, handsome," she purred. Of course, I was sorta obligated, seeing as how she'd grabbed me by the tie. Before I could even think about protesting, we were in liplock. Correction, *she* was in liplock. *I* was confused as hell, until I saw the horns on her head. Crimanately, she's possessed. "Mrfflfrlrff--GYAH!" Geez, that little bugger's got her but *good*. "What's the matter, Andy? Don't like the way I kiss?" "I do like kisses. I'm just not the kinda guy who enjoys having a girl try to vacuum his tonsils by KUDP." "KUDP?" "Kissing Under Demonic Possession. Now, some guys I know wouldn't mind this, but I don't want you do do anything that you're going to regret--and *why* are you unbuttoning your shirt?" "I'm feeling a little *warm*." "How can you be warm? It's 60 degrees Fahrenheit." "I *will* be warm," she responded in an uncharacteristically sultry manner, shedding her shirt. Whooboy. Help. My half-naked administrative assistant is going to do who knows what to me while under demonic possession. I may not last the night. "I don't think this is a good--" I stopped short when her eyes started to shimmer, and she pouted in that ultra-kawaii manner. She was really pouring on the cuteness, and I was starting to feel a bit under the weather. "You mean...you don't *like* me?" That was a trap question and I knew it. "I *do* like you. It's just that I don't want to take advantage of you. In the street. While you're half-naked. Surrounded by who knows *how* many oni intent on doing who knows what--MMFF!" Have you ever tried to take a look at your surroundings when you've got an aggressive redhead trying her best to vacuum your tonsils? Of course not. Lemme tell you that my mind was starting to race. Most of me wanted to cut the suction and get the kid to her senses. Some of me was saying "shut up, relax, enjoy the kiss, and go with the flow," to which the rest of me replied "are you crazy?!" I was frantically trying to, um, disengage myself when I saw a pair of paths opening up in the black mass. Flashes of fire seared tentacles that creeped too close. I was trying not to notice that Nene was going full-out in her quest to explore my mouth when a long-legged form landed next to us. "Detective, I know she's cute, but this is hardly the time to be doing that kind of thing." Thank you, Sailor Mars. I shot her a look that could've burned right through her. You know, it's amazing how much you can communicate with your eyes, especially when talking is currently not an option. Hang on...I think I've got an idea. As best as I could, I jerked my head to somewhere behind Nene, making a show of looking at the redhead's horns. Rei nodded, indicating that she'd understood. Good luck trying that with Usagi. Before I knew it, my mouth was released with an audible pop. Nene just fixed Rei with the coldest stare, her eyes glowing slightly. "GO. AWAY." she said in a sufficiently spooky voice. "Can't you see that we're making out?" she asked in her normal voice. Rei had whipped out a ward, but she looked a little confused when I mouthed out "go." Reluctantly, she began walking away. "Now," Nene purred, "where were we?" "I believe," I began, leaning close to her so that she bent back a little, "we were going to talk about this?" With my free arm, I waved Rei in closer. I just hope that she has the sense to chant in a whisper, or this won't work. "What's there to talk about? You're a man, I'm a woman..." I stopped listening to her as she went on. Good thing, too. I suspect that she would've said stuff that would make even Ryo blush...well, maybe not. Come on, Rei...don't take your time with that thing. "...you're not listening to me." "Sorry." "So, what do you say? This is a one-time offer. Is it now, or never?" Classic setup line if I ever heard one. "NOW, REI!" "SPIRIT, BEGONE!" she shouted, firmly whacking the ward onto Nene's forehead. The redhead immediately fell unconscious, smoke billowing from the ward. It formed itself into a small, almost silly-looking body, singing "la la la..." About a half second later, someone trap-shot the little bugger with a quantum singularity gun. I turned, and saw Kiddy Phenil holding said gun. Apparently, she and the other girls from the AMP made their way through this mess as well. Just wish I could reach 'em, but I'm having a tough enough time as it is. "She gonna be okay, Rei?" Poor kid. "She should be--eep!" Rei recoiled as she saw Ryo's prone form. "Don't worry, he's out cold. How long until she recovers?" "A couple of minutes," she replied. "How long until HE recovers?" "Not long enough. How'd you know where to find us, anyway?" "I didn't. I, um, sorta got lost." "Whatever," I shrugged. "Come on, kid, wake up." I shook her gently, trying not to think about how cute she looked when she was asleep. "It'll be a little while," Rei reminded me. "Exorcising a demon takes a lot out of the person who's possessed." "Wonderful." I sighed. Grabbing Nene's shirt and trenchcoat, I wrapped them around her. No sense letting the poor kid get cold. "What kinda oni was that, anyway?" "I think they make a person act out their deepest, darkest wishes. I'm not sure, though." "In other words...ah." The realization hit me. "I think I'd better talk to her after this is all overwith." "I'd concentrate more on the here and now..." Rei was understandably edgy. About three minutes later (three long, nervous, oni-surrounded minutes), she finally woke up. This left the little redhead a bit confused. She stood there, looking around, wondering why she had just the slightest concession to modesty above the waistline. Then, the memories of what she'd done hit her like a sledgehammer. About 2 seconds later, she flushed about as red as her hair, buttoning up her shirt in a hurry. "Oh. My. God. What've I *done*?!" "Easy, kid. Don't worry about it." "Don't *worry* about it?!" "Unnhhh...everything okay down there, guy?" Finally, the guy wakes up. "Ryo, stop talking to your pants. I know you'd have a great conversation, but still..." "Rei-chan!" he sprung up incredibly fast, heading towards her like a shark towards a blood trail. Rei eeped, and slapped a ward on his forehead by sheer reflex. He stopped. Then he took off the ward and examined it. "Nice souvenir, kawaiikochan, but I prefer something a little more...personal." His eyes wandered to her skirt, which she immediately covered. "How--?" "He's not evil, just incredibly perverted." I explained with a sigh. "But, I guess you'll have to wait for now, Rei-chan. I see some lovely women who are in need of my services. But don't worry, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Heh." "Whoa, Ryo! You're not gonna go through that--" Crimanately, look at the guy go! He's clearing a path between us and the AMP. Looks like they were having a helluva time, too. In less time than I can say, the surrounding area was cleared. Of course, that was if you didn't count the various pieces of whatnot left over. In the meantime, Ryo was engaging in one of his specialties: Getting a date. "So, Kiddy...they tell me you're super-strong." "Well, I'm not really--" "I'll bet that there's still a lot of woman behind the cybernetics. What say we find out one of these days, hm? You know...the ultimate test of womanhood." Wink wink nudge nudge leer drool. "I'm afraid that I'd just crush your...`ego.'" Kiddy replied frostily. Ryo didn't even appear fazed. Instead, he just moseyed on towards Katsumi Liquer. Yes, *that* Katsumi, o she of the really big sword. I wondered if Ryo had a death wish or something. "Hel-loooo Katsumi! Nice sword," Ryo commented. "Did you know that it's a phallic symbol? 'Course, I'd like to introduce you to my own--" "Why you--" Katsumi raised her sword high, intent on skewering Ryo. "WHOAWHOAWHOA!" I waved my hands. Katsumi stopped in mid-stroke. "Look, distasteful as he may seem, he *does* come in handy at times." "When?" she looked at me dubiously. I hesitated. Deliberately. "You're taking an *awfully* long time to answer, Andrew." Ryo commented. "I'll think of something." I joked. "Hmph." Behind me, the girls suppressed a collective chuckle. Well, except for Rally Cheyenne. She just barely kept herself from cracking a smirk. Three city blocks later, we started to encounter the *really* nasty oni. Aw, yuck! Ewww...I didn't think that was anatomically *possible*! Ladies and gentlemen, we have just entered Ecchiville, home of the walking hormones. "Don't look, kid." I covered her eyes. The rest of the ladies in our group didn't seem to be taking this very well either. "Why? What's out there?" she asked, trying to pry my hands off. "Lemme put it this way. Y'know the infamous Urotsukidoji scenes?" "Yeah...and?" "In this case, the girls are doing it voluntarily." "Ewwww..." she winced, fighting back a shudder. "Hey, they're not *all* wimpy girls in Ecchiville." Ryo retorted, pointing to a mature-looking Animate arguing with a tentacle. Even above the din, we could hear snippets of a conversation, something about how she wanted cash up front. "I don't wanna know..." I muttered to myself. Is it me, or does there seem to be a *lot* more oni the farther along we go? Guess we're headed to the source, or something. So, there we were, working our way through who knows what. The things I saw would've made Tobin's Spirit Guide look like a small pamphlet. Ryo, for once, was making himself useful as he blasted demon and oni like. 'Course, we had to keep our path clear, and the peas and beans did just the trick. I think we were almost there when we spotted another clear area. We were all wondering why when I heard a cloying voice. It made us cringe in terror. "I love you...you love me..." Criminately, it's Barney. Never mind the fact that he's in the wrong city altogether. He's just standing there like a dolt, singing his little dopey song to whoever dared to come near. I dunno who's worse off, us or the oni. "Gosharoonie! Look at all the neato new friends who just came this way!" I approached the dinosaur. Didn't have much choice, really, considering the fact that everyone else was edging away from him. "Mind if I ask what you're doing here?" "Well, I was just walking around, and I felt like singing! C'mon, let's have a sing-along!" "Do you realize that you're surrounded by things which can be really, *really* nasty?" The big purple idiot blinked. "What's `nasty?' We all look different, but we all have the same warm feelings on the inside." Yeah. Heartburn. "Anyway, my friend inside was nice enough to give me all these pals to play with. He said I should sing if I feel like it...and I have." "Wait, the guy who summoned all these things is just inside there? Are you sure?" An insipid giggle made every muscle in my body tense. "Yup. That's him." "Ah. C'mon, people...I think I've found what we're looking for." Knock knock knock. "Who is it?" "Detective Andrew Mays, Anime Detective. I'd like to talk to you about the increase in the oni population. Keep in mind that I've been wading through things best left unspoken of, so I'd hurry up." The door opened *real* fast, and everyone practically trampled our way in to save our ears. "Sure. Come in, why don't you?" A voice said sarcastically. I took a look at the source: A skinny guy, barely over 5'6, with THICK glasses and the beginnings of a five o'clock shadow. To say that this took me by surprise is something of an understatement. "*You're* behind all this? A shrimpy little guy like you?" "I'm *lanky*," he corrected me, stepping into a circle surrounded by candles. "Now, any of you happen to have seen Lum around?" "Lum? LUM?! You've just summoned the largest oni population in who knows *how* many years, and you're worried about LUM?!" "Well, that's what started all this. Y'see..." "Waitaminute, don't tell me. Let me guess...you like Lum so much that you've got posters, CD's, all the episodes of Urusei Yatsura, and anything that you could get your hands on." "Except her. And, since she's so hard to get to, I figured...hey, why not make her come to me?" "Even *I* haven't gone through that much trouble for a woman," Ryo muttered. Everybody looked at him, as if we'd rehearsed it. "What? Is something sticking out of my pocket?" I ignored him. "I hate to tell you this, but...she's an *alien* oni. She doesn't count. Besides, she's currently in orbit." The guy blinked. "Oh." "So, do you mind telling me *how* you're gonna clean up your mess?" "No problem. The gate'll close at midnight, sucking up everyone that went through." "*Just* the oni, or anyone unlucky enough to be nearby?" "Um..." "Never mind," Criminately, this guy is hopeless. "Nami, I want you to pass the word, see if you can't get anyone that doesn't have tentacles or horns away from this place. Nene, I'll need you to help coordinate. Ryo...put that damn doujinshi down!" "Spoilsport," he grumbled. "They were having Lum do gymnastics, too." I took my first good look at the place. I wasn't impressed. Every surface that could possibly be covered with a poster was, while comics and compilations littered almost everywhere else. In what was possibly the cleanest corner was a bunch of books and candles on the floor. A cloud of smoke billowed from somewhere outside the pentagram. It took on a vaguely human shape, complete with glowing eyes and mouth. Instinctively, I stepped in front of Nene while the other girls prepared themselves. "FOOLISH MORTAL!" Ow. Do demons always have to speak in all caps? "YOUR LOUTISH DESIRE FOR LUM HAS ALLOWED ME TO SET MY BROTHER ONI FREE TO WREAK HAVOC UPON--" "Time out, whatever you are," I interrupted, "We can hear you quite well without you having to--" "SILENCE, PUNY ONE!!! Where was I? Oh, yes--TO WREAK HAVOC UPON THE MORTAL PLANE! BUT NOW, I TIRE OF MERELY OBSERVING THE CHAOS. I WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN." "Uh-oh..." the fanboy squeaked, inadvertantly knocking over a candle from his pentagram. Nami and Rei looked a bit nervous, backing away when they saw that last bit. I'm not much for mystical stuff, but I'm guessing that was not a good thing to do. Maniacal demonic laughter split the air as the oni transformed itself into a vapor and promptly proceeded to take control of the fanboy. Funny, I don't even know the guy's name. "FREE!!!" the possessed fanboy exclaimed, complete with glowing red eyes. I dunno how I got the idea (desperation, maybe?), but I dashed towards the front door, opening it. Every mystic in the group prepared for a heavy fight. "Hey, Barney! I've got a new friend for you to play with!" "Really?" the sappy voice filtered from outside. "Gosh and gollyokum! Let's play! Where is he?" I smirked. "He's right here. Have fun!" "WHA--?" The fanboy turned, and for a sec I thought I could see fear in those eyes. The purple dinosaur stumbled his way into the house and proceeded to hug the fanboy, bellowing that he could just go on playing and singing for the latter "forever and ever and ever." The fanboy started cursing in every language possible, including, I think, a couple of dead ones. Bolts of mystic energy sizzled around them, but Barney was either too involved in singing or just too stupid to feel them. It was then that I decided to have me and the rest of the group exit, ASAP. "What do we do now?" Nene asked. "Well, we clear everyone outta here until midnight. Other than that, there's not much we really can do." "Um, you know...the oni *have* been coming out of the gate for a while. Don't you think we should look for them?" Nene asked. "You're asking me to possibly do a door-to-door search of Ecchiville?" "Well, that *is* where a lot of 'em are," she pointed out. "And don't you think that Rei's a little *young* to go into that place on her own?" she whispered. Sigh. "It's gonna be a *loooong* night." I muttered to no one in particular. "C'mon." All's well that ends well, so they say. The oni have been taken care of, and the guy's been subjected to a fate worse than death: Utter humiliation via possession, compounded with a close encounter of the Barney kind. So, why am I still a bit on the leery side? Well, it's because the Chief has a reputation for throwing pretty wild parties. Oh, sure, they start out pretty tame. Inevitably, though, someone's gonna slip something in the punch... "Awright everybody! It's target practice time!!!" Crud. I tried not to wince as my buddies tried to outdo themselves in a game of Nail the Coke Can from your Head with a Glock. Ryo nonchalantly sat down next to me, keeping half of his face away from view. I guessed that he'd tried for a date or something. "Some women just can't appreciate comments about their figure." he griped. "Do I wanna know what you said to her, or are you gonna tell me anyway?" "Anyway, I just asked a girl if she was hiding a couple of pumpkins under her blouse. What does she do? She smacks me! Just for saying that she has a voluptuous body." "Go figure." I deadpanned. "Oh, I heard that a couple of guys were watching Wicked City in the other room. It should be starting just now." "Wicked City?" he asked. "Lots of sex, violence, and guns. You'd like it." "Ah. And here I thought you didn't like me." He got up and headed for the appropriate room. Fifteen minutes later, he left, looking very pale. "You are *sick*, Mays," he hissed. "Sick, sick, sick! Why didn't you *warn* me about that spider-woman bit?" "I guess it must've slipped my mind. Feeling hormonal now?" "Don't...push me." he queasily lurched towards the men's room. "Time for some karaoke!!! Hit it, Chief!" Oh, God, no... I winced as the Chief went into an out-of-tune rendition of the "Star Blazers" theme while other guys linked hands and chanted "ventura ventura space people." I hate my life. I was seriously considering setting off the sprinkler system to help the guys sober up when Nene took a seat next to me. She looked a little shocked at what was going on...and there was something else. Kid seemed to have a hard time looking me in the eye. "Umm...Andy?" "Yeah, kid?" "About what I did back there..." I waved my hand dismissively. "Relax. You were possessed, remember? That little bugger could've made you do anything." "Well, I sort of..." She blushed and looked down at her lap. Ah. "Don't worry about it, okay? I haven't lost any respect for you." "Really?" "Really. But that little incident *did* leave me wondering about something..." "About what?" "One of these days, I've gotta find out how you kiss when you're *not* possessed." Her big green eyes went huge. "Why you--!" I grinned. "Gotcha. What say we blow this place and get some Chinese?" She recovered most of her composure, but she was still blushing a little. "A date?" "A respite from the madness. Shall we?" I rose from my chair, offering my hand. She joined me, putting on her fedora. "Sure." THE END ---------------------------WARNING!--AUTHOR BABBLE!---------------------------- What? Another Anime Detective story done? Amazing! Ahem. Okay, I admit it. This was something different from Vanishing Vehicles. Heck, all the Anime Detective stories are a bit different from one another. So, the big question is...when am I gonna get my act together and finish up the UF stuff I've been promising since five minutes into Creation? Soon. (Great. I've been hanging around that Kosh guy from Babylon 5 too much.) Anyway, many thanks to the #Eyrie crew, Traveller, the creators of Babylon 5, Wing Commander, and Pepsi (which helped me finish this up.). :-) What can we next expect from Andrew Mays? Well... Hmm.... That would be telling, wouldn't it? ;-) Suffice it to say, though, that I'll keep his life *real* interesting. And for those of you who just came in, Andrew *isn't* me. He may share some of my values and attitudes, but not much more than that.