Pearson Mui The Strange Medium Guy with a Bad Haircut (aka Pearson Mui) with Martin Rose Presents Anime Detective (great name, isn't it?) :-) The Case of the Sunken Skyscraper Animates. Go figure. Who would've thought that they needed a separate department at the precinct to deal with them? Ah, it's not so bad. 'Course, I would say that because it's my job. I think I should introduce myself. I'm Detective Andrew Mays, and I have to work with Animates every day. Nobody else wanted the job, and frankly, I don't blame them. Fortunately, I don't go out into the field unarmed. A good part of this job requires me to "subdue" Animates when they're not being cooperative, most likely by means of a one-ton mallet I keep in another dimension or something like that. Funny thing about Animates...you can knock 'em down with a mallet, a tank, whatever...and they still don't die. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate *all* Animates. I'd be stupid to. A lot of 'em are nice, and they actually mean well. If you're an Animate, you've got a lot going for you. They don't age, unless they're specifically designed to do so...and they don't die, unless the plot demands it. For some of 'em, this is a good thing, and they still live with respect for others. It's the rest of them that really get to me. Look at it this way: Being effectively immortal can turn into a monumental headtrip, and some Animates' egos can get incredibly swelled. Heck, even the ones that are *supposed* to be the Good Guys can be a pain in the ass. Take Ranma, for example. Please. I've lost count of how many times he's blown me off. I guess in his case, eternal life also means eternal immaturity. My day started just like any other. My alarm clock consists of a timed recording of both Lum and Hikaru yelling "Darling!" as loud as possible. It works, mostly by scaring the living hell outta me. It's effective, but unless you can stand hearing that day after day, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. After chomping some donuts and washing it down with some java, I stumble my way to my car. It's red, it's ugly, and it's American...but, hell, it gets me there and back. 'Course, it also gets 40 miles to the gallon, so I'm not exactly complaining. About 30 minutes of hellish city traffic later, I park my faithful steed outside. I pass by a nearby drugstore and slap down some money for a bottle of double-strength Mylanta. I figure I'm gonna need it. My office isn't exactly spacious. In fact, it's downright messy, and the coffee stains on the desk don't exactly help. As I approach the desk, I toss my hat and trenchcoat and groan at the mile-high stack of paperwork I see. Great. Just another day. Well...might as well get started. Lessee...what the hell? Tokyo vs. Zyurangers? Tokyo vs. Kakurangers? Tokyo vs. Kamen Rider? These are all supposed to be filed with the *Sentai* Detective, not *my* department! Great. Another office screw-up. Some jerk doesn't seem to know the difference between cheesy live-action kids' shows and anime. There is some good news, though. The Sentai cases take up 3/4 of my workload. Or, should I say *took* up 3/4 of my workload. Balancing the papers, I shuffled off to the Sentai Detective's office. I know the guy...guy by the name of Stan. I think this job's been getting to him. It's so bad that one of the ways you can tell if he's in is to listen for the sounds of whooshing air as he practices these weird poses. WHOOSHWHOOSHWHIPWHIPWHOOSH! Yup, he's in. "Hey, Stan!" I yelled as I nudged the door open and planted the pile on his desk. "Why don'tcha call upon the giant robot?" "Veeery funny, Andy. What d'ya do for an encore?" Did he just say what I thought he said? "Did you just call me `Andy?'" "Yeah, I called you Andy. You gotta problem with that?" Quicker than he could think (that's not saying much. The guy hadn't even finished his first cup of coffee), I whipped out my transdimensional one-ton mallet and whacked him one. "NEVER," I grated, "CALL ME `ANDY.' GOT THAT?!" "okay..." he squeaked out before conking out. I *HATE* being called "Andy Mays." As if my job isn't enough. About two hours (and my second cup of coffee) into my paperwork, I hear a faint rumble. No, actually, it's kinda getting...louder? Waitasec...it's not coming from the office...it's from somewhere else. But where? I decided to take a peek out the window. Funny...it doesn't *seem* like an earthquake. None of the other buildings are shaking...except for the Matsushita building. Yeah, that bugger's really dancing...whoa, look at all those people down there. They're really pouring outta there. Geez, that's a lot of office workers. Oh, good...looks like they're all out. rumblerumbleRUMBLERUMBLERUMBLERUMBLEKRASH! SHUNK! ... I don't believe this. The Matsushita building just sunk into the ground. No, it kinda looks like it was flattened, then sunk into the ground. That's something you don't see every day. Maybe once in a week, with all the Animates around, but not every day. I still can't believe it. I mean, the building's barely a week old, and *now* it collapses. Hope the owner has some insurance. He's gonna need it. Lessee...it should be about 10 seconds. 9...8...7...6...5... RIIINNG! Hm. I'd better get a new watch. "Mays, Anime Detective. Uh huh. Uh huh. Animates seen around the Matsushita building? Which ones? Uh huh. The *entire* cast of Ranma 1/2?" I asked, in slight disbelief. "Oh, only the ones capable of mass destruction. Yeah, that narrows it down. Any others? Hmm...a couple of mecha pilots...A-ko and B-ko? What happened, C-ko couldn't tie her shoes or something? Ah, never mind. Wait, don't tell me...Kei and Yuri were around, too, right? Uh huh. That's what I thought. Okay, I'm on it, Chief." Great. Just great. I've gotta hunt down *all* those Animates and bring them back to the office for questioning. This should be fun. Retrieving my trenchcoat, I prepared to hit the road. Grabbing my hat, I locked the door and put the "NOT NOW, I'M OUT" sign on the knob. I pass by Stan's office, and I hear him say something like, "Sir! Will you *please* STOP with THE *POSING*!!! I'm trying to get your deposition, and you're not *helping* any!" I chuckle quietly. Looks like Stan has his work cut out for him. Now, it's off to my car for another thankless... KLUNK!!! Klunk? That sounded like it came from the parking lot. The same parking lot where my car is...and that was really heavy-sounding klunk. It's gotta be a mecha, I decided as I sprinted down the stairs. Ooohh boy...yup, it's a mecha, alright. Lucky me, though...it's not just *any* mecha. It just happens to be the largest one I know. It's the Gunbuster. All 250 meters (or 825 feet) and God knows *how* many tons of it parked in the lot. Correction, it's parked in the lot right *next* to my car! The Gunbuster is BLOCKING my CAR! Normally I approach this with Falstaff's philosophy--discretion being the better part of valor, especially with anything on *this* scale. Or, as somebody put it, "Meddle not in the affairs of robots, for you are small, and easily squished underfoot." A wise man said that. Wish I could remember his name. In this case, though, I don't have much of a choice. The robot in question is blocking my car. Okay, no problem. I'll just radio Noriko up. "AHEM! Noriko...?" "Hai? Is that you, Detective Mays?" she responded over the radio. "Yeah, it's me." I confirmed, trying to be as patient as possible. "Do you *know* where you've set this thing down?" "Umm...in the parking lot?" "Mm-hmm...but the mecha parking lot is two miles WEST of here." "Oh." she replied in a very small voice. "You remember the fine you had to pay *last* time this thing was towed, Noriko?" She sighed. "Okay, okay...sorry." Hey, it may be ugly, but it's still my car. First things first...gather up some of the cast members of Ranma 1/2. I am *not* looking forward to this. A half hour later, I arrived at the Tendo Dojo, site of many, many incidents of mass destruction. Parking my car, I fed the meter for about three hours' worth of time. Last time I was here, Kasumi was so nice that I stayed about twenty minutes later than I had in mind. Sweet girl, for an Animate. Now, if only Tofu could talk to her without mangling somebody in the process. I hear a CLICK! as the meter next to mine expires. Wonder who the poor sap is who's gonna get a ticket? I take a glance at the car. It's big, it's red, it's gaudy, and it probably gets a half a mile to a gallon. It also has a vanity plate with the name MACEK on it. Macek, huh? Mister "Mangle Good Anime with Bad Dubs because I'm Bad and I did Robotech So I Don't Need you Weenie Anime Fans So Go Get a Life" Carl Macek. Damn do I hate that man. I don't like Animates, but I don't like the brainless, predigested shit that he puts out. If he did to people what he does to Animates, there would've been a lynch mob crying for his blood long ago. Damn...there's never a metermaid when you...aha! There she is...kinda cute, too. Not the over-cute girl whose eyes take up 9/10ths of her face. Nope, this one is cute in a way that doesn't send me sprinting for insulin. She's got big green eyes, and shoulder-length red hair. She looks damn familiar, but I just can't place her. I flag her down. "Excuse me, Officer...?" "Romanova. Nene Romanova." "Roman--oh, yeah...so, how *is* life after Bubblegum Crash?" She grimaced. I guess she wasn't too comfortable with the memories. "Oh, I'm doing okay, mister...?" "Mays. Andrew Mays, Anime Detective." "Oh. I'm not in trouble, am I?" She looked worried. Make a note: Nene is deadly with worried looks. She's capable of having even the most hardened of men comfort her with one of those looks. "Nah, not you. See that car over there? The big red one? You might wanna check out how many parking tickets he has." She took out one of those handheld computers and started typing away. Bipbipbip. "Oh, my..." she said, her eyes growing wide. "Mister Macek has about *fifty* unpaid parking tickets. I think that it's high time for a tow." She took out her walkie-talkie. "This is Romanova. I need a car towed. Who do we have? Ozaki? Okay, I'll be waiting for her." I hadn't put away my keys, and I decided to put them to good use. Leaning on the car, I keyed the drivers' side door, along with the hood. Hell, it may be incredibly petty, unbecoming of an officer of the law and all that, but I think it was well deserved. "Okay, take it away!" Nene called out as she finished hooking up the car. I thought the whole thing was kinda funny, what with "Uncle Carl's" car being towed away by a mini-tank. That just made my day. "Thanks, kid. I owe ya one." "For what?" "Oh...nothing much. I'll see ya around." Knock knock knock. "Yes? Oh, hello Detective Mays," Kasumi said, greeting me with that smile. My god, I think she could probably kill with that smile. Or, at least, reduce the most hardened criminal to a blubbering wreck. I wonder if she might want to volunteer to interrogate some crooks? I put the thought aside. I'm here on business. "Hello, Kasumi. Is Ranma around?" She shook her head. "I'm afraid that he's out. Why? Is he in trouble?" she asked, those big brown eyes of hers turning worried. "Uuuhh...no, no trouble. I just need to ask him a couple of questions, that's all." Well, actually, it's more like Ranma, Ryouga, Akane, Shampoo, Mousse, Happosai, and a whole slew of others, but I didn't tell her that. "When did you last see him?" "This morning. He was running some errands with Akane and he ran into some of his friends along the way. Those two get along well together, don't they?" "Uh...yeah." About as well as water and sodium. Either way, you've got an explosive combo. She suddenly brought her hand to cover her mouth. "Oh! Where are my manners? Would you care for some tea?" Ah heck, why not. I shrugged. "Sure...I mean, if it's no trouble." "No trouble at all." About two hours later, I leave the place with a tin of cookies under my arm and a promise to visit again. I also promised to return the tin when I'm finished. If anybody can be mean to Kasumi, they're definitely tougher than I am. Of course, they're probably sadistic suckers...which reminds me. I check my notepad. Nope, I don't have to bring in Kodachi, at least not for today. "Come back here, old man!" somebody shrieked. "I don't think so!" "Bwee! Bwee!" Well, sounds like the gang's all here. "Charlotte!" I tense up, then start to convulse. In all my years as Anime Detective, there are few Animates who I would love to pound to a thin paste and toss them into a bottomless pit. Azusa is one of them. Oh yay...wouldn't you know it? Everyone's heading towards me. Nine out of ten they don't see me until they run me over. However, I do have a counter for that. Walking calmly to my car, I take out the extra-large, extra-screechy blackboard I keep there for just such an emergency. Putting on my Freddy Krueger glove, I proceed to draw my claws against the board. SSSSS CCCCC RRRRR EEEEE EEEEE CCCCC H H !!!!! !!!!! S C R R E E C H H !!!!! !!!!! SSSSS C RRRRR EEEEE EEEEE C HHHHH !!!!! !!!!! S C R R E E C H H SSSSS CCCCC R R EEEEE EEEEE CCCCC H H !!!!! !!!!! Bingo. Everybody present stopped dead in their tracks (no, not literally), clutching their ears. Discarding my glove, I take out my notepad. "Hi," I said, grinning widely. "Now that I've gotten your attention, I thought that maybe you'd like to join me down at the sta--" "Oooo...KAWAII! Antoine! Antoine!" Ah no....nonononononono...Azusa thinks my notepad is cute. Right now, I have only two options before she starts whipping out chairs from who knows where. I can either give her the notepad, or I can reach for that adorable little UFO catcher doll I keep for just such an occasion. "Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!" "Here!" I shove the doll to her, and she immediately shut up. Well, will wonders never cease? I also thank my lucky stars that I don't have to bring in Kodachi *and* B-ko. I can handle either of 'em just fine...but *together*? Not good for the ears, or your sanity. Unfortunately, where "Ranma-sama" goes, so does Kodachi. Somebody up there really hates me. Rounding up the rest of the Animates wasn't as easy. It's kinda hard to tell two mecha pilots to stop fighting once they got started. So, I did what just about anyone would do: I got the attention of another mecha pilot and had *him* break it up. I mean, it's not like I can whip out my badge and those guys stop fighting right then and there or something like that. I wish. I may have some clout with Animates, but not *that* much. Finding the Dirty Pair and A-ko and B-ko was pretty easy. All I had to do was listen for the sounds of property damage. Well, that and B-ko's laugh, which is pretty destructive in its own right. At least it's not as bad as Kodachi's laugh. "Hohohohohohohoho! Stupid girl! C-ko is *my* friend! AKAGIYAMA MISSILES!" Foomfoomfoomfoomfoomfoom! Okay, maybe it *is* as bad. I think it's enough to say that, after one near-flattening by A-ko's backwash, many mini-missiles from B-ko, a severe headache from C-ko, and nearly getting killed by the Dirty Pair, I managed to get everybody to the station. Lemme tell you, getting all those Animates together in one place was like putting a sign saying "toss me around" on a vial of nitroglycerin. Groaning, I felt a little twinge in my stomach. Time for the Mylanta. Taking the bottle out, I poured the stuff into a shotglass and downed it. Ahhh...yeah, that's better. "Okay...A-ko, B-ko...what were you two doing at the Matsushita building?" "Well, I was just running to meet C-ko there. She thought the place looked cool and wanted to look around." "And what happened next?" "The next thing you know, B-ko soars down at me and starts firing those mini-missiles of hers. C-ko could've been killed!" "I wouldn't do *anything* to hurt C-ko! Besides, this is all your fault, you know." "MY fault? You started it!" "I did not! You were hogging C-ko!" "C-ko doesn't want to be around you anyway!" "Oh yeah?!" "YEAH!!" Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Ahh... "A-HEM! Cut it out, you two, or I'll feed the both of you C-ko's cooking." Both of them froze, big sweat drops appearing on the back of their heads. I love doing that. "Okay, that's all for now, you two. Try not to demolish any more buildings, *all right*?" Sigh. Next up, the Dirty Pair. Both Kei and Yuri widened their eyes, then furrowed their eyebrows. "The code name," the two of them said simultaneously, "is LOVELY ANGELS!" Damn. I forgot that they were psychic. "Hey, I know that and you know that. BUT, I've still gotta file it under your series name, which is `Dirty Pair.'" Whoof. If looks could kill...well, they can't, but that blaster sure looks up to the job. And now, a redhead with exposed cleavage almost on par with Florida coastline is holding a sci-fi gun in my face. That may be another guy's idea of a good way to go, but it sure as hell isn't mine. I should've had all of them searched for weapons, but in Mousse's case, that'd take the rest of the day. "No, Kei! You *can't* kill him just because he's a jerk!" Yuri said as she tried to wrestle the blaster out of Kei's hand. "Why not?!" "Hey! When're you gonna get to us? I don't have all day, y'know!" Ranma called out from his seat. Why that little snot-nosed...I got up from my seat and marched myself right in front of him. "Ranma..." I said softly, "I am having a bad day. You are not making it any better. If you give me even the slightest flak or the smallest bit of shit..." "What're you gonna do? Arrest me?" "No. I'm going to douse you with cold water, tie you up, and toss you to the Overfiend." At that moment, every female in the office recoiled. Ranma fell in one of his awkward, stiff poses. He recovered after a few seconds. "You wouldn't." "Try me." I said with the most evil grin I could plaster on my face. Ranma gulped. I guess it wasn't everyday that somebody threatened him with tentacles. Inside, I chuckled. Good thing I finally caught the Overfiend on that violation of the Good Taste act. The thing was waaaay over the quota for tentacle sex scenes, and the punishment involved locking him in the basement with Hello Kitty. For about a week. I figure that being exposed to all that sugar'll be even better than shipping him off to another dimension. The day was finally over. I'd gotten through everybody's depositions, and from what I'd heard, it wasn't a coincidence that all those Animates were at the Matsushita building when it went down. Hell, when Animates are concerned, almost *nothing* is a coincidence. Something's going on, but what? Downing the last of my fifth cup of coffee and grabbing the file on the Matsushita building, I trudged out of the office. On my way out, I could hear Stan saying "Look, the Green Ranger is dead! He's *been* dead for years, and he's going to *stay* dead. Cripes..." Oh, boy...I need something to wash away the taste of Mylanta from my mouth. I thought about heading off to the bar...but my stomach would never forgive me for a double scotch. Ah, well...I didn't need the hangover anyway, and to be honest, I'm not much of a drinker. Hmm...what the hell's that scooter doing there? Isn't that...yeah, it *is* Nene. What's she doing around here? I mean, it's not like we're in the same precinct or anything. "Hey. Not to be rude or anything, but...what're you doing here?" "Well, I thought I might help out a little. Here," she dug out a sheaf of papers, plans, the works. "I did a little research. I think you might want to look at the plans." "Uh...thanks." I said as I took the papers. "Can I ask why?" She shrugged. "It gets a little boring, doing nothing but write tickets and fill out paperwork. Besides, I haven't had any really good hacks in a while, ever since...well, you know." "Uh huh..." I muttered, flipping through the pages. "I don't suppose that a banana split would agree with your diet?" As if that ever stopped her before. Putting the papers into Who Knows Where (the same place where I keep my mallet), I stepped into my car, ready to treat the kid. One banana split and some small talk later, and I was on my way to the parking lot. I saw a guy approach me with a suit that looked like half a year's paycheck. "Excuse me...do you have any change on you? Have to feed the meter, you know." he said. "Yeah, sure...hang on a...sec?" Wait a minute. That sure as hell wasn't *my* shadow. What the hell's going-- A hard knock to the back of my head, and I'm out. .... "Unnnhhh...." Oww...my head! Feels like it's been used in all the NBA championships...as the ball. "Ah...he's awake." It was a man's voice, very...educated-sounding. Must've paid a lot for that perfect diction. I couldn't see who he was in that bright light. He seemed to be getting closer, but I was having trouble keeping my eyes focused. "You are Detective Andrew Mays, are you not?" "No, I'm the Tooth Fairy," I grunted, and was smacked on the cheek. Damn. My arms are tied behind me. If only I could get to my mallet, I'd make short work of these guys. "Watch it," another voice from the side warned me. "Another crack like that and you're gonna be served up at McDonald's." "Oh, yeah, great. Pick on a guy whose hands're tied and practically blinded. Real fair. Whassamatter, you get paid more if the guy can't fight back? Or are you some sicko who gets a thrill outta this?" "I said SHADDUP!" "Enough!" the leader held up a hand, and the goon next to me stopped his punch in mid-motion. Whoever this guy is, he's got a lotta clout. I think I can make him out...thin, about 6 feet tall. "We aren't here to kill you, Detective. We're just here to give you a little friendly advice," he loomed a little closer, close enough so that I could smell his cologne. "The Animates are the ones you should pursue, and no one else. They will take the blame, and you will go on with your life. Otherwise, we may have to secure your cooperation through...other means. Is that understood?" Before I had a chance to answer, the world seemed to explode into billions of stars, and the last two things I remember before everything went black were the goon's voice saying, "S'long, chump," and the leader checking his gold pocketwatch. .... When I came to, I was practically draped over the hood of my car. Staggering to my feet, I open up my car and flop into the driver's seat. After a minute or two of intense, throbbing pain, my senses start to come back to me. The first thing I think of are the papers. Were they still with me? If they weren't, Nene would be in deep trouble, and any opportunity to nail those guys would be up in smoke. I checked in my inside pocket, going deeper than anyone could imagine, and felt the rustle of the printouts. Thank God, they're still there. I've gotta go home, take something for this headache, get some dinner, and try to make sense of this case, preferably in that order. Crimanately, this day's gone to hell and back. A building falls, Animates are involved, and next thing you know, I'm knocked out...*twice*. What's next? A conspiracy? I must've been hit on the head harder than I thought. Home again, home again, yippity yay. Turning on the lights, I took some generic painkiller, nuked and ate dinner in short order, and finally collapsed on the couch. Where's the remote? Aha! Click. Click. Click. I don't believe this. *Nothing* on? Ah well...might as well check out the news. As usual, it was depressing. Right about now, I could use some *good* news. I was about to change the channel when the news shifted to the collapse of the Matsushita building. The press got a rare statement from Eiji Matsushita himself, head muckamuck of his corporation. He was a somewhat rotund man, and his hair was thinning rapidly, kinda like an endangered species. "Ladies and gentleman, this...tragedy has truly hit home to many of us. It is only by the greatest of fortune that no one was injured. Even so, it seems only a matter of time before someone *could* be hurt. I can promise you that I *will* rebuild, and if I have anything to say about it, the culprits *will* be brought to justice. Thank you." Can we say "staged?" I knew you could. Lessee now...plans, requisition forms, financial records...geez, Nene was pretty thorough. 'Course, I've also got a forensics report from my department. That's weird. According to the forensics report, the building wasn't even *close* to code when it collapsed, especially not for an area populated with Animates. Metal fatigue...inferior materials...lot of corners cut on this puppy. Judging by this, I'm amazed that it was around for a week. I smell a setup. "DARLING!!!" "Gyah!" Whump! Oww...7:00 already? I must've dozed off. I cracked my back, and prepared myself for yet another day at the salt mines. A quick breakfast and some java later, and I was off. I don't get it. Why would someone like Eiji Matsushita build such a flimsy building only to have it knocked down by a couple of Animates less than a week later? Unless... BEEEP! "Hey, come on! The light's green! Step on it, you jerk!" a fat, sweaty hog of a driver bellowed. Damn. Lost my train of thought. "All right, all right! Jeez!" I shouted. I guess I was really mulling it over. Arriving at the office, I wove my way through some people in spandex and helmets. In the back of my mind, I wonder what happens when nature calls in the middle of a fight. Shelving that thought, I opened the door to my office and flopped onto my chair. Hmm...it's no secret that Matsushita isn't all that fond of Animates. In fact, he goes to a lot of lengths just to keep himself distanced from any of 'em...even on short visits, he keeps himself at least 20 feet away from them. He's also pretty rich...worth a couple of mill, easy. I guess that rules out the possibility that he'd trash his own building just for the insurance money. Also, according to some of these financial records, his company is doing pretty well, considering his competition. What the hell's going on? Something tells me that Matsushita himself couldn't be involved in this. Sure, it's *his* building, but as the head muckamuck of a corporation, he'd have a lot to lose if it went bad. Something else is going on, and I wish I knew what it was. Oh yay, our consumer dollars at work. I dial up the Chief. "'Lo, Chief? I think I've got a lead in the Matsushita case. It's not much, but it's something to go on." "Good work. What've you got?" "This'll sound crazy, but..." I told him. "Mays, you'd better have some *damn* solid evidence to back you up." "Don't worry about it, Chief." "That's what you *always* say." Lemme see...the head of construction was a guy by the name of Marvin Belger. The guy lives in an apartment pretty close to Ecchiville. Fun. I wouldn't want to wade through there anytime at night. At night, the streets of Ecchiville are flooded with...well, let's face it, Animate prostitutes. Those are girls who, according to rumor, would have sex with anybody or anything, if the price was right. Let's see...apartment 3B. Yup, this is the place. I rang the doorbell. "Hang on, hang on." a voice grumbled. The door opened to reveal a bulky man, with some of his weight around his midsection. "Yeah?" "Andrew Mays, Anime Detective." I flashed my badge. "Are you Marvin Belger?" "Yeah." "May I come in?" "Go ahead. I ain't stoppin' ya." I entered the apartment. The place looked like a tornado swept through it, with empty pizza boxes and beer cans all over the place. "I understand you were in charge of construction on the Matsushita building?" "Yeah? So?" "That building collapsed yesterday." "I heard about that. Nobody was hurt, were they?" "No, but they could've been." "Damn." He buried his face in his hand. "I *TOLD* the guy that the building wouldn't stand, but would he listen to me? Uh-uh. He says, `keep building it anyway.' I say `I can't.' Next thing you know, I'm out on the street faster than I can blink. Never been fired from a job before. Walked out, yeah, but not fired. Guess I didn't take it too well." he finished as he noted the mess. "Who? WHO told you to keep building?" "Matsushita's right-hand man, Kenji Takanaka." I was speechless for a second. "Takanaka?" "Yeah. Tallish guy, 'bout as tall as you are. He's got this gold pocket watch that he keeps checking. Can't stand it when he does that." Whoa. This was a new twist. "You want to testify against him? The cut corners, the cheap materials, everything?" "You bet your ass I wanna testify. I wanna see the look on Takanaka's face when I screw him over." "Great." I said, a smile on my face. "Just one question." "Which is?" "Howcome *you* have to do this case? I mean, isn't this assigned to a regular cop or something?" "Normally, yeah, but somebody on Matsushita's side is trying to blame the Animates for the collapse. Once an Animate is involved, *I'm* involved." "Uh huh. Gotcha." That went pretty well. I took Marvin to the station for his own protection. Now, I think I'd better pay a visit to Mr. Matsushita. But first, I'd better have some insurance of my own. I dialed up a number. "'Lo? Yeah, it's me. Yeah...hey, could you tell her to calm down? Okay, that's good. Anyway...sorry 'bout yesterday, but I was only doing my job. *Yes*, I really am. Okay...hey, could you do me a favor? Yeah...why don't you drop by this address, say, oh, about 3 hours from now? Okay, thanks. Nah, that's okay, I don't hold it against her. All right? Okay, bye." "I'm here to see Mr. Matsushita." I told a secretary. "I'm sorry, but he left explicit instructions not to be disturbed by anyone." I flash my badge. "Andrew Mays, Anime Detective." "I'll...see if he's available." Fifteen minutes later, I'm in an elevator heading up. At the 90th floor, the doors opened, and I stepped out. My god, this is a *big* room. It's gotta be at least a hundred or so feet wide, and just as long. There're paintings on two of the walls...and is that a Picasso? Sure looks like it. At the far end of the room is the biggest desk I've ever seen. It looks like it was made out of solid oak, and it has a keypad already built into it. Matsushita's sitting behind it, talking to somebody on the phone. "Look, do what you have to, all right? Just don't expect me to cover your ass if this falls apart." He slammed the phone down and sighed, relaxing in his chair. "What do you want, Detective Mays?" he asked. The guy didn't even bother to get out of his chair or even look at me. "Mr. Matsushita, it's about your building..." "Have you brought the Animates responsible for this to justice yet, Detective?" he asked suddenly. He sounds *way* too eager to find a scapegoat. Either that, or somebody's been feeding him info, and I have a suspicion I know who. "I've taken a few depositions, yeah." I told him. "No actions? Good lord, man, it's obvious that *they're* the ones who destroyed my skyscraper!" "I'm still investigating other possibilities, Mr. Matsushita." "Other possibilities? Like what?" "Like the possibility that that building may have been doomed from the start." It was then that he turned to face me. "What are you talking about?" "I have evidence that seems to indicate that the building wasn't up to code for an Animate-populated area, or even a human area. Cheap materials were used, corners were cut, but the bottom line is...that building wasn't meant to stand more than a week." He raised an eyebrow. "Are you accusing me, Detective, of sabotaging my own building?" "No, sir...not you." "Then who?" "Somebody who works for you." His eyes widened. "That's not possible. Everyone who works for me is very loyal to me." "Not everyone." He sighed heavily and steepled his temples. "Who?" "Why don't we consult Mr. Takanaka on this? I'm not accusing him, but let's hear what he has to say." Matsushita nodded gravely and pressed a button, some sort of intercom. "Takanaka-san. Please come to my office." He released the button. "I hope you're wrong. Takanaka is like a son to me..." Less than a minute later, Kenji Takanaka entered. He was impeccably dressed, with most of his hair slicked back. He kind of reminded me of Brian J. Mason, with that same aura of control. "Takanaka-san, this is Detective Mays." "Pleasure to meet you, Detective." he said, barely bowing. "The pleasure's all mine. Umm..." I fumbled around my pockets. "Damn...Mr. Takanaka, I don't suppose you know the time? Seems like I've forgotten my watch." Wait for it...wait for it... He reached into his inner pocket and retrieved the gold pocketwatch nestled inside. Flipping it open, he read off the time. "It's 2:45 in the afternoon, Detective. You know, you really should keep an eye on your things." he enunciated, clear and proper. Bingo. Got 'im. "I'll keep that in mind. So, Mr. Takanaka...exactly which projects are under your supervision?" Takanaka looked puzzled. "I have a great many projects...Mr. Matsushita would be more suited to answer that question than I. He assigns them." "Was the construction of the Matsushita building under your supervision?" "Yes. Yes it was. Detective, if you have something to say, please, say it. I despise games." "Okay, picture this." I said, clapping my hands together. "It seems quite obvious that Animates were responsible for said building's destruction, is that not correct?" "It would appear so, yes." "I conduct the case, find that they were totally responsible, case closed. Public opinion about Animates drops, and everybody thinks that every Animate is like a walking stick of dynamite. A little while later, you might conduct your own investigation into the matter. Lo and behold, you find that the materials were shoddy, and since you were only following the orders of Mr. Matsushita so loyally, it must be his fault. You have him arrested for insurance fraud, maybe jailed. But you take command, and you *rise* from the ashes, promising swift justice against Animates. Pretty soon, every Animate is wiped out, and paradise reigns supreme in your company. Of course, you're gonna have to clean up me, Mr. Matsushita, and a few others." "Exactly...*where* did you get this wild, paranoid fantasy, Detective?" "Oh, I dunno...c'mere." I beckoned him to come closer. He did, obviously sure that I was a loon. I took a quick whiff. The cologne. He was still wearing the same cologne. "Y'know, I had little things...bits and pieces, this and that, y'know? But they all came together as soon as you walked into that door and checked your watch." "I don't know what you're talking about." "Don't you? Or wasn't it you and a goon who knocked me out a while back and threatened me? Lesson number one about being inconspicuous, Takanaka, is to avoid your usual habits. Say, for example, wearing your cologne and checking your pocket watch." "You said you hated Animates..." Takanaka stated, almost pleading to the old man. "I suppose I did. But not that much." Matsushita's face darkened. "I don't know you," he told Takanaka. "Do with him as you will. He is nothing to me." he said to me. "Nothing, eh, old man?" Takanaka said as he jumped over the desk to hold Matsushita in a headlock, ready to break his neck. "STAY BACK!" he shouted as I headed towards them. "Right now, Detective, I am a dangerous man. I have nothing to lose. My dear `mentor' here," he tightened his grip, "has a great deal to lose, but only if you do not stay..." He paused as he noticed a really big shadow loom over him from the window. I don't blame him, really. It's not every day that you see the Lovely Angel hovering near you. "Y'know, I think you should *really* get away from that window." I remarked. Kei and Yuri have a habit of making dramatic entrances, y'know. Takanaka backed away, releasing Matsushita in the process, and about five seconds later, the glass shattered from the outside. In jumped the Dir--uhh, Lovely Angels, and they did *not* look pleased. Kei, being her usual aggressive self, practically pounced upon Takanaka, and hoisted him up by the shirtfront. "Is this the guy?" she asked. "Yup. Try not to vaporize him, okay? ANY-ways, as I was saying, you have the right to remain silent..." "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Get away from me, toon-girl!" Kei's face darkened. Whoo...not smart. "*What* did you call me?" "...you have a right to an attorney, if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as I've read them to you?" "Yes, I understand them, now will you tell this red-headed WENCH to let go of me, before I have security--WAAAUGH!" I guess Kei had had enough, and she tossed him to the side like so much dirty laundry. "Have fun, ladies...oh, and try to get him to the station sometime before five, okay? Keep the broken bones to a minimum, and," I lowered my voice to Darth Vader level, "NO disintegration." Kei frowned. Obviously, she had been looking forward to ventilating Takanaka. "No WAIT! WAIT! You just can't *LEAVE* me with them!" "I can, I will, and guess what? I just have. Byeee!" I waved cockily to him as I took the elevator down. "Now, what was that remark about me being a wench?" Kei asked menacingly. "Eh heh..." Yeah...life is good. Propping my feet on the desk, I was about to catch some serious sleep when (wouldn't you know it?) the phone rang. "Mays, Anime Detective." "Hey, Andrew. Good work with the Matsushita case. The guy sang like a bird, and with Belger's testimony, he should be locked up for a long time." "Thanks, Chief. Is there something else?" "Yeah. I'm assigning you a partner. Now, I know what you're thinking: You can handle it yourself, right? Well, it doesn't hurt to have backup, so I've gotten you an Animate partner." "Who?" "Ryo Saeba." My jaw dropped. "Did you say `Ryo Saeba?'" "Yup. He's on his way now." Click. Great. The guy has a body like Kenshiro of the North Star Fist and the hormones of Ataru Moroboshi. Could there be a worse combination in a partner? If there is, I don't wanna know about it. I heard somebody knock three times on the door, and then open it. "ANDY! Hey, great to meet ya! What say we sneak outta here and check out some of the girls in Ecchiville, hm? I mean, some of 'em are so incredibly---" WHOMP! I pounded him with my mallet. Somebody up there really hates me. -----------------------------------THE END------------------------------------- ---------------------------WARNING! AUTHOR BABBLE!---------------------------- Whoa. This is a first. I've actually written a *short* story! The mind boggles. ;-) Actually, I did this as a break from UF. Yes, those stories'll be finished. Yes, they *will* be out some time before Doomsday. Err...make that before Hell freezes over. No, wait...how about "soon?" I should give thanks to quite a few people who preread this puppy. First, and foremost, is my co-author of sorts, Martin Rose. He came up with, IMHO, some of the better lines in this story. Thanks, Marty...take a bow, now. :-) Next up, we have Philip Moyer, who is currently working on the sequel to one of my favorite fanfics, Serendipity. Plug! The term "animates" was first used in Christian Gadekan's fanfic, _Who Framed Vampire Princess Miyu_. Thanks, Chris...wherever you are. Of course, I also have to thank the rest of the #Eyrie crew, and traveller from #anime!, who reads more fanfics than *I* do. This one's for you. :-) As usual, the standard disclaimers apply, nobody in here is real, blah blah blah, the whole spiel. I've got a few things lined up, but they'll come in good time. If you want to see more of Andrew, lemme know. I'm at pmui1@icarus.uic.edu. Copyright 1995, by The Strange Medium Guy with a Bad Haircut. Insert disclaimer here. Insert legalese here. :-) +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+ |Pearson Mui ("Moy") |My personal philosophy- | |Self-proclaimed strange medium guy|Nothing is impossible, merely improbable,| |with a bad haircut. ^_^ |impractical, or unfeasible. | |U59090@UICVM.UIC.EDU,pmui1@uic.edu|http://icarus.uic.edu/~pmui1/home.html | |BGC, RANMA 1/2, UF (plug!), WING COMMANDER 3 (take the Excalibur!) ^_^ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------------+