7) --- School Daze ---------------------------------------------------- "We're BAAACK!!!" -- G. Neric Students THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1993 "Ah, to be back in the old dorm room again," said Philip as he unpacked his various boxes and bags and set himself to the task of getting settled into his dorm. It had taken him a while to actually get his stuff into the room, since his mother had decided to not carry anything in with him. Back problems. he thought, But, now he was *home*, and he began unpacking with gusto. First came the file cabinet, with its class folders in the top shelf and his printouts and downloads in the bottom. "A lotta trees died for me," he quipped to himself as he placed each story carefully into the bottom drawer. Next came his books, which filled several shelves, and his supplies, which went into the desk and under the bed. He was putting up his Tiger print above his corner bed when he heard a knocking at the suite door. "Hold on, Hold on, I'm coming!" he yelled as he approached the living room door. "Yeah, who is it?" he asked as he looked through the security peephole. The fish-eye lens gave a distorted, but still attractive view of.... "Aerianne?" said Philip as he opened the suite door. "Oh, hi Philip!" she answered. "I didn't realize that you were living here!" "And I didn't know that you were living *there*!" he said, indicating the suite across the hall. "How'd you get into a suite your freshman year?" "Two Words: Gordo and Rufus." "Ah, that makes sense. I'm surprised they didn't set you up in the honors house instead." "Well, they wanted to, but the roster was already finalized, and they couldn't change it without alerting them that something was amiss." "So, how's it going? What's it like, going into the 'great unknown'?" "Actually, kind of boring. There's nothing open, the stores are all closed, and I have no idea where I can find food at short notice!" Philip nodded in agreement, knowing the feeling. "Oh! Before I forget, could you come over to help me with something?" "Um, er, what?" he answered, wondering where she was going with the conversation (besides the other room). "Well, I've got some bookshelves that need assembly..." "Wait right there," Philip said with a smile. He returned to his room and picked up his bag of theatre tools, and then went over to Aerianne's suite. The suite that Aerianne lived in was rather small, but still serviceable. It had a small living room, two double rooms, two single rooms, and two baths, very much like the suite that he lived in. He followed her into the single where she apparently lived. However, even for a single, it was remarkably...empty? "A single? Hey, even *I* wasn't able to get one when I got here... waitasecond..." "What?" "Where's your stuff?" "What stuff?" "*Your* stuff'." "I don't have any 'stuff'." This was getting nowhere. Philip tried a different tack. "I mean, where's the things that you plan to put in your dorm room? Things like posters and pictures to put on your wall, papers and books to put on your desk! Things from home that you can't live without!" "Oh, *that* stuff? Oh, don't worry, Gordo and Rufus are bringing it over later." "Oh, ok." Philip smiled. He sat down, unpacked his tools, and got to work. The shelves were not that hard to assemble, although it did require at times some reading of the directions and a little bit of forcing on the part of the crescent wrench. As he was finishing their assembly, the door intercom buzzed. Aeri moved over to it and spoke into it. "Who is it?" "It's us, Aerianne!" "Oh, hi! I'll be right there!" She left the apartment to open the door. "Be right back, Philip!" "Ok," Philip said, as he finished tightening the last screw in the shelves. As he lifted them up, he could see Rufus and Gordo come in, their arms loaded with all sorts of stuff that a college student could need. They went back and got another load. Philip helped Aerianne put stuff on the shelves, and Gordo and Rufus continued to bring in boxes of supplies. "Wait a second," commented Philip as Gordo was bringing in his tenth load. "This can't *all* be Aerianne's stuff?" "You are quite correct, Philip. This is *our* stuff," and Gordo took the load into the double room at the end of the hall. "WHAT?!?" Rufus stuck his head into the room. "Huh?" Gordo exited the double room. "What is wrong with that? The listing said coed, which does mean 'open to or used by both men and women', doesn't it?" "Well, yeah; but they usually mean that as applied to the _building_, not to the _room_." "Hmm, that may be, but they were not that specific about that point in the notices..." "Whatever. The point is, what will Resident Life say when they find out about it?" Gordo chuckled. "I have little doubt that they will find out, but there will be little they can do about it." "Huh?" "You see," answered Rufus, "When I accessed the resident life computers, I rewrote our entries so that we were listed as female. However, our main university files list us as male, so I also wrote code to automatically translate between the two formats whenever each computer queries the other." "Ah," commented Philip, not really understanding, but accepting all the same. "So, now what?" "Well, I do believe that Physical Nourishment would be acceptable at this time," commented Gordo. "But the dining halls are closed until Monday," commented Aerianne. "So where should we go?" continued Gordo. "Well, what do you want to eat?" "Actually, I'm not that sure...." "Well, there's a place right down the street. Want to come?" "That would be acceptable..." said Gordo as he began to put on his jacket. "What's the name of the place, anyway?" added Aerianne as she got her purse. "The Bagel Place," said Philip over his shoulder as he went back to his suite to lock up. 8) --- Dukke and Fox Season ------------------------------------------- "The things you've gotta do to get some service around here!" -- Ghengis Khan "I've never really been down this way before," said Aerianne as they walked down the street towards the center of College Park. "Wait a minute," Philip paused and thought out loud. "You've been on campus for 3 months now..." "Eleven weeks, One day, and Four hours," interjected Rufus. "Thank you, Mr. Data," Philip replied before continuing, "And you've never been down to College Park? Where did you go when you needed supplies and food?" "We went to the Union, which *is* what it is for, correct?" "Well, yeah," Philip admitted to Gordo, "But you still need to find out what's here in town, just in case." "Point taken. So what *is* here?" "Well, there's the Book Exchange, Closet of Comics, a couple of bars and other shops, and the Bagel Place." "Ah." They arrived at the crosswalk and waited for the light to turn green. Philip held the door open for the three as they entered, acting as a doorman, even tipping his hat as they entered. Aerianne smiled, and Philip blushed slightly. They waited in line, and eventually got their orders. Moving to a nearby table, they sat down, and began to eat their bagels. "So, what classes are you taking, Philip?" asked Aerianne after they had sat down. "Welmph, I'mp takingh Cmshc Thretrhty," began Philip, forgetting that he was still chewing a bagel sandwich. "Huh?" "Oph, oops, soryph," Philip apologized. He leaned down and pulled out his laminated schedule. "Hrmph," he handed it to her. "Thanks." She took it, and looked at it while Philip finished chewing and swallowed. "There. Sorry about that," he apologized. "No problem," she replied, while looking at his schedule. Thinking a moment, she then reached into her purse and pulled out her schedule. "Hey, look!" She pointed to one block of time on the schedule. "We've got the same Theatre 110 class!" "We do?" Philip looked over the table at the two schedules. "Well, whaddaya know? We do!" He then looked closer at the schedules. "Waitasec, you're also taking cmsc 311..." "So? What about it?" Aerianne replied, drinking a Coke. "I didn't know you were a CompSci major. But how come you're taking a higher level course? When did you take the prereqs?" "Over the summer," she stated, before biting into her own bagel sandwich. "Ah. Whatever," Philip replied, and did the same. As they continued to eat, Philip learned more about their courses. Rufus was leaning towards the Engineering Major, while Gordo was focusing more on History. However, both were also planning to minor in Compsci, so they were going to be taking the same programming course that Philip was going to be taking, CMSC330. Aerianne stated that she was going to wait on 330, since she was also taking an honors-level history course that semester, as well as dance and stagecraft. They continued to talk, even after they finished their lunches, about all sorts of things (although mostly about computers), and they didn't pay attention to the rest of the room. So, of course, they didn't notice the eight men in skimasks enter The Bagel Place, and get in line. "May I take your order, sir?" asked the cashier. "Yeah," replied the first man, who wore a blue mask. "I'll take a Terrapin bagel, a large coke," he pulled out a Cobray assault pistol, "And all the money in the register." Visibly startled, the cashier still managed to blurt out, "Is that for here or to go?" as she opened the register and began pulling out money. "All right, NOBODY MOVE!" yelled out the second punk, clad in a yellow mask, as he pulled out his gun and trained it on the crowd. The other three also pulled their weapons and covered the crowd. "What the?..." cried Philip as he turned around in his seat. "I said, DON'T MOVE!" yelled Yellow, as he aimed the gun at Philip. "Eep!" squeaked Philip as he froze in place. "Comeon, comeon, we don't have all day," gestured the blue gunman with the gun as the cashier finished emptying the register into a paper bag. She handed it to Blue, who opened it, and said, "Where's my bagel? I WANT MY BAGEL!" He yelled, aiming the gun at her face. "Uhm, sure, one Terrapin bagel, coming up!" As the cashier moved behind the counter preparing the bagel, she surruptiously pressed the police call button. A light blinked. But not in a police station. This light was in a bright red Lamborghini Countach, whose owner was currently driving down Route One. "Hey, Deeds?" asked the burly individual in the passenger seat. "What is it, Ferdy?" replied Deeds, who was driving the Lamborghini. "Looks like we've got a crime happening," he said, getting excited. He pressed the button next to the light, which activated the police band radio. "...Repeat, All Units! Armed roberry in progress at The Bagel Place, Address..." Ferdy turned the radio off, and turned towards Deeds. "Can we pleeze take them out, pleeze?" "All right," replied Deeds as he accelerated towards The Bagel Place. "But you're buying the bagels when we're done." "ALL RIGHT!" Meanwhile, back at the Bagel Place, the armed gunmen were taking the customer's wallets and purses and putting them in a large sack. "Ok, we got all of them?" asked Blue. "Well, all except those four," replied a punk in a red mask, indicating Philip, Gordo, Aerianne and Rufus. "Good. We'll use them as hostages," proclaimed Blue as he moved towards them. "What the hell was that?" asked Yellow, who still had the gun trained on Philip. "I don't know, man," replied Blue. "You!" He pointed at a man in a green mask. "Go out there and check!" "Who me? It could be the police!" Green protested. "Aw, comeon! You don't hear any sirens, do you?" Bowing under to Blue's command, Green readied his weapon and cautiously exited the front of the store. A few seconds later he came back. Air mail. The punk flew through the front window, screaming in pain as he impacted the glass and hit the floor with a . "What the hell?" proclaimed Red, aiming his gun at the now- shattered window. "Speedy Delivery!" yelled the causes of Green's sudden entrance as they entered the store itself. Philip managed to move his eyes enough to get a good look at the two individuals coming in the door. His eyes widened in shock and recognition. For coming though the door was none other than Daniel Dukke and Ferdinand Fox! [For those who don't know, Daniel Dukke is the one in the really expensive suit carrying the really cool gun, and Ferdinand Fox is the one who's 6'7", heavily muscled, and has a _long_ ponytail -- ed.] "Ok, Skimask! Show's over! Come along quietly, and yew might just live!" proclaimed Ferdinand as he blocked the door. Daniel moved to cover the gunmen. "Just stay right there, and put down your guns," stated Daniel, somehow ignoring the fact that they seemed to be outnumbered eight to two. "Watch it, Duke, we've got hostages!" yelled Blue as Yellow jerked the gun, indicating whom they were planning to hold hostage. "That's 'duk', not 'duke'," said Dukke as he raised his gun and fired two shots. All hell broke lose. The first of Daniel's armor piercing, fin stabilized, discarding sabot (APFSDS) shotgun shells hit Yellow's ear, causing him to pull back. The second APFSDS shell shot the gun out of his hand. Philip then decided that getting out of there was a good idea, as the other skimasks leapt upon Dukke and Fox with a vengeance. "Come on!" he yelled to Aerianne and the others, who were crouched behind an overturned table. "Why?" she asked. "I want to watch. It looks like they're having fun!" "FUN?!?!" Indeed, it seemed that Ferdy and Deeds had the situation well in hand, and were actually enjoying it. Ferdinand executed a wheel kick that disarmed several gunmen at once, whom he then took out of commission with a dizzying series of punches and kicks that would have done Bruce Lee proud. Daniel, in the meantime, shot the guns out of the others' hands, while looking incredibly cool doing so. Before long, there was only Blue and Yellow left, the others having been put out of commission by various unorthodox means (being thrown through a wall by a 6'7" fox well conversant in martial arts being the major "unorthodox method".) "We've got to get out of here!" whispered Philip to Aerianne, who was watching the ensuing conflict. "I do believe that Philip has the appropriate suggestion," commented Gordo. "Oh, all right," she said, and they turned to crawl towards the door. Blue, catching the movement, grabbed Philip, obviously trying to gain the upper hand again. "Watch it, _Dukke_," he enunciated. "Make one wrong move, and this kid's toast!" Aerianne almost cried out. "Didn't we just do this?" asked Philip. "Shut up!" yelled Yellow, focusing his attention on Philip and not on the three people behind him. "Just shut up!" Aerianne, moving quietly, snatched up an empty tray and threw it like a frisbee. It arced through the air and hit Yellow squarely on the back of the head, knocking him out. Blue, turning to shoot at Aerianne, was then tackled by Gordo as Philip ducked out of the way. A few punches and wheel kicks later, and the last two gunmen were on the floor unconscious. Aerianne came over to Philip, helped him up, and dusted him off. Together they walked towards Ferdy and Deeds, who were tying up the incommunicado felons. "Um, I want to thank you...." started Philip. "No problem," replied Daniel as he finished tying the last gunman. "It's what we do," he said as he handed Philip a business card. "If you ever need help again, call us," he continued as he and Ferdinand got into their Lamborghini. Philip looked at the card as they drove off. +---------------------------------------------------+ |If you've got: a cat up a tree, a cheating husband,| | a dishonest business partner, or a South American | | country you need overthrown... | | CALL US. | |And if you: don't have any problems with your life,| | mess around with people who do, or happen to be a | | certain Lybian dictator... | | Don't call us, WE'LL CALL YOU. | | DANIEL DUKKE FERDINAND FOX | | A C T I O N H E R O E S | | 301-555-4327 | +---------------------------------------------------+ He snickered a little, but then stopped as the sound of distant sirens approached. "Looks like it's going to be a long day," he mumbled, as the Policemen and the TV crews surrounded them, trying to figure out what had just happened. "Does this sort of thing happen all the time?" asked Aerianne as they walked back to their dorm. Several hours had passed, since this sort of news was worthy of at least one live TV interview, as well as several newspaper articles. "Fortunately, _no_." Philip answered, still slightly confused about the entire thing. "Actually, College Park is kind of quiet about such things." "Oh well," she shrugged. "It actually seemed sort of...fun," she smiled. "WHAT?!?!" "Oh, just kidding," she laughed, trying to calm him down. "I _was_ worried, you know..." "Oh," Philip recovered. "That's ok..." "Oh, by the way, Gordo, where did you learn to fight like that?" "Oh, just simple observation, Philip, Simple observation..." he smiled. "Huh? Oh, never mind..." Philip shook his head. They reached the dorm, and went inside. "Goodnight, Philip," called Aerianne as they went to their respective suites. "Goodnight," he waved back, fighting off a yawn. "Seeya tomorrow." Philip opened his door and went inside. "Man, am I ever tired! ," he said to himself as he got changed for bed. "I'm glad I don't get used as a hostage and then get interviewed _every_ day! Otherwise I'd get tired of it _very_ soon." Philip was reminded of the old chinese curse: 'May you live in interesting times'. "HAH!" he said as he got into bed. "I hope to god that the rest of the semester isn't so 'interesting'!" He snuggled under his covers and slowly fell asleep. And as he fell asleep, Philip realized that he hadn't finished unpacking. 9) --- IRCrs Anonymous ------------------------------------------------ "When I was in high school, my freshman English teacher thought that computers were the work of the Devil...now here I am in Satan's living room..." -- Gryphon TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 The rest of the month went by as a blur for Philip, as he readjusted to the college experience. He heard an occasional word or two about Dukke and Fox as they stopped one bank robbery or ended another totalitarian rule; but other than that, there were no major words. Besides, Philip was too busy anyway to worry about the College Park crime rate. There were programs to write, problems to solve, plays to read, and papers to write. Actually, strike that last part of the list, the part about the paper. That was _done_. And now that it was done, he could kill time with his new pastime (as of a day ago): IRCing. *** Philip-M (pmoyer@rac1.wam.umd.edu) has joined channel #anime! *** Topic for #anime!: The Dead Zone *** Users on #anime!: Philip-M @Pasta @Xaemyl @Scanner Mako @Ryouko +@pomru @Haunter @PCKitsune @Gryphon HalfFlat @Sinapus * HalfFlat Ooooooooh!s at Gryphon. oi PM Heh Pomru - your desk is a mess... > Hello, everyone... ** Mode change "-o Sinapus" on channel #anime! by Gryphon Sin: don't have o-ops! don't have o-ops! :) grr... * HalfFlat grins to Sinapus :) Ta! *** Mode change "+o Sinapus" on channel #anime! by Gryphon * Sinapus drops colony on Gryphon *** Mode change "-o Gryphon" on channel #anime! by Sinapus * Gryphon eats the colony. Yum! phhhhhlllllllppt! "What the heck is going on?" muttered Philip to himself, and he typed his question in. Oh, now he's de-oppingme. How mature. sin: uh pplease no deop wars PM: Sinapusand I are being immature. *** Mode change "+o Gryphon" on channel #anime! by Sinapus oops, Dani-chan told us to stop...we're sorry, Mommy.. *** Signoff: Pasta (Bad link?) * Ryouko sighs * Gryphon cowers * PCKitsune cheers up Ryouko. * Ryouko shakes her head * Philip-M watches. * Gryphon wishes he could get to Worcester this weekend...he's gonna +miss his favorite live role playing game. Bummer. * Xaemyl wants to go to Pau-Pau new Guinea ... But Gryph started it!! :) did not!!! * PCKitsune Nerf-bricks Sinapus. * Sinapus will settle down now * Philip-M backs off from the pending confrontation. Fool! Taste my wrath! pck: I thought I crammed that damn brick down your throat...I +guess you didn't learn your lesson... * Gryphon stuffs the Nerf brick up PCKitsune's left nostril. Philip blinked. He decided not to get involved. This _could_ get messy.... * HalfFlat cringes, ew. * HalfFlat cringes at the NerfBrick, that is :) * Philip-M backs away further. This does not look pretty. * Gryphon listens to "The Downeaster 'Alexa' again. Ahhh...what a +depressing song. Dhad wazzhn'd vhewwy nidhe, Gwyphnn. :) * HalfFlat *LOL* sorry :) * PCKitsune shoots the Nerf brick out of his nose, sliming Gryphon in +the process. :) * Philip-M offers to extract the nerf-brick from PC. * Gryphon holds PCKitsune by the tails through the window, +threateningto drop him into #Amiga. 'Now stop throwing that thing +around.' > Nevermind, too late. :) hey I have a Amiga :> > Yay. :| * Gryphon tires of cosplaying as his weak mortal self. *** Gryphon is now known as Unicron Philip's eyebrows raised. "Oh, boy," he Becketted. > Uho, this spells trouble! There. That is better. *** Shogun (mtats@sandstorm.Berkeley.EDU) has joined channel #Anime! Eep! O.O;;;;; *** Sinapus is now known as SDF-23 *** Shogun is now known as Pasta re Mike > This could be a BBIIIGGG problem!! * SDF-23 assembles Yamato-class battleships around it. * Pasta kisses Dani-chan Oh, good. I thought this marinara sauce would all go to +waste. :) * Unicron hovers menacingly over the channel. In fact, over IRC as a +whole. Where does a planet-sized robot sit when he goes to the movies? + :) ???? * SDF-23 charges Reflex cannon mako: anywhere he wants? * Philip-M looks for something appropriate. * Mako sniggers. * Mako grabs a Lazer-Tag rifle from a nearby Android Petrarca. 'For a time I considered sparing your wretched little channel +#anime! But now...you shall witness...its dismemberment!' * PCKitsune smothers Pasta in marinara sauce. * Unicron decides not to be evil, after all. * SDF-23 maintains lock on Unicron * Unicron returns to planet mode. * Philip-M finds a nearby "anime"matter bomb, but decides not to use +it. * PCKitsune throws Unicron a Truly Monstrous Twinkie. :) * Unicron eats SDF-23, ripping it to shreds before it has a chance to +fire. 'Delicious...for an idiot.' *** Unicron has been kicked off channel #anime! by Xaemyl (Xaemyl) And xaemyl Kicks the shit out of Unicron! :) *** SDF-23 is now known as Sinapus X: You kneebiter. B) Hehehe * PCKitsune smashes Xaemyl with a falling piano. > That wasn't fair! B) Oh well... :) At about this time, Philip had gotten out some of his koosh balls and had started juggling. Curious, he tried the same thing on #anime! (but without the koosh balls). * Philip-M picks up piano pieces and begins juggling. *** LF (lordfang@netcom4.netcom.com) has joined channel #anime! * HalfFlat *blink*s! A juggler! * Pasta waves to Frank * LF waves to mike *** PCKitsune has left channel #anime! * HalfFlat steals the piano bits, and juggles them himself! :) -> *HalfFlat* Well, only up to three. * LF feels SAD...A certain person is going away for a year... :( *** Iczer-1 (930400@edna.cc.swin.edu.au) has joined channel #anime! hej iczer ... *** Pasta is now known as Shogun lf: Who? * Philip-M picks up some keys, and begins juggling again. Yum, that was good... yo ppl * LF someone we all know...O'well... Danielle is leaving!? * Philip-M passes to HafFlat.... *HalfFlat* You should try for four! Four not that much harder than +three :) what is happening today what? * HalfFlat tosses a bit of piano back to keep the pattern. *** Iczer-1 has left channel #anime! *** Parn (tyip@libws4.ic.sunysb.edu) has joined channel #anime! heheh * Philip-M passes a black key over to HalfFlat Philip smiled. And so the night continued.... However, Philip Moyer was not the only one staying up late that night at the computer. In the secret headquarters of FOWL (the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny), Ray was overseeing the completion of the second step of his campus takeover plan. "How goes the programming, Korzon?" asked Ray as Korzon and his Gleepian staff worked at breaking into the University of Maryland's computer net. "It's _cracking_, Ray, not programming," replied Korzon. "And, fortunately, we're almost complete." Korzon looked over at one of the computer techs, who was typing at a terminal, which was really quite impressive when you consider that gleepians have no hands. Instead, he was using his natural telekenisis to maneuver the keys. "Sir!" the tech announced. "We're in!" "Excellent," said Ray as he and Korzon moved over to the terminal station. "Can you copy the Maryland system into our own?" "Sir, we've got superuser access to the _entire_ UMD system, student and administrative accounts included," the tech replied. "We can do _anything_." "Excellent," smiled Ray. "Here is what I want you to do..."